It’s halfway through February, which means it’s about time for my annual blog post!
I’ve become more and more prone to online shopping, especially when things are quiet at work and I have nothing to do. One of my favourite sites to trawl through (like many people) is Takealot’s Daily Deal section.
I scroll through the 4+ pages of “today only” specials, ignoring a lot of them, scoffing at others, and opening others in new tabs. And every. single. time. I will inevitably see some kind of weightloss/workout supplement. And every. single. time. I will open up that link. Supplement shakes. Fat burner pills. “Fruit” flavoured fat burners. Lipo Fat burners. Whey. Diet fuel. Diet. Lean. Creatine. Lava. Today’s – which inspired this blog post – was CLA capsules. Powders, pills and gels. All this….stufffffffffff.
And today my mouse hovered over that CLA capsule picture as the automatic response in my brain said “Ooh those are on special, I want to check that out…” but, I stopped. My automatic response halted and another thought just kind of sidled in there. Like the eccentric character in a movie who acts crazy and no one takes seriously BUT says something that makes the protagonist reconsider everything (and makes the audience nod along in agreement).
“You always do this.”
I turned to myself and said “What do you mean?”
Myself looked back at me. Rolled her eyes.
“Every time you come here you look at these supplements.”
Myself blinked at me.
“And so every time you look at these supplements – that you never actually buy just BTW – but why do you look at them?”
“Well…because I want to lose weight.”
“And do you think this stuff will help?”
I pout. Look down at the ground. Roll my eyes a bit.
Of course, it didn’t go exactly like this, but it kinda did. I asked myself: why do I always look at these products? What difference does it make if they’re on special or not?
I have a whole shelf of a cupboard which is devoted to weight loss/supplement shakes. Four different kinds. And some fruit flavoured fat burner powder stuff you mix into water. It doesn’t taste completely horrendous if you over-dilute it. I HAVE supplements. I almost never use them. Whenever I remember they’re there and I think I should pack some in for work or whatever – I always have to check the expiry date because I can’t remember when I bought them.
So, the eccentric, stick-wielding wise woman of my self-examining conscious has taken charge. I am no longer going to open fat loss supplement adverts. I have ridden the train of diets, and shakes, and oils, and pills since I was a kid. I have been rewarded for losing weight and – ultimately – punished for gaining any. I have been asked if I was “allowed” to eat certain things – while eating them – by well-meaning people. I have had derogatory things said to me about eating while I was eating. And I have had the thousands of hours of effort dismissed in a single instance by people who see me putting something in my mouth while being oblivious to it being the first time I’ve eaten that day.
I have had to UNLEARN so many things that are wrong about nutrition and diet. I’m trying to put my new knowledge into practice, forming new habits and breaking the old ones while fighting against what other people believe about my body. Things they’ve never had to question because they’re “healthy” (read “skinny”).
I will no longer open a new tab to check out those supplements online. I don’t want them. They don’t work for me. One more habit to break.
Instead I will keep my focus on food, giving my attention and time to cooking more, buying ready-made food less but not feeling bad on those days when I simply don’t have the time or when the only thing I really want is a milkshake. And reminding myself to eat lunch so I don’t feel like I’m starving while I’m making dinner and snack and snack and snack, inevitably leading to me being full and unable to enjoy the dinner I spent my precious time cooking. Baby steps. Small corrections as my dietitian says.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my mid-morning snack.